Getting Married in College podcast
“Love is always patient and kind.” We’ve all heard what people promise at weddings. To love, honor, and cherish each other until death do you part. They live happily ever after.
Until your husband loses his job and you are suddenly strapped for cash as a newlywed couple trying to pay for college. Then your husband gets another job that has him in a different city. Marriage is a lot more complicated when you are struggling to pay bills and never see each other.
That is exactly what happened to Bailey Lemmon Polson. Polson met her husband Josh when she was fifteen years old. He joined the National Guard and she moved to Westminster, but their love was strong and their faith was stronger.
"I knew I was going to marry him,” Polson said. “When I say he’s my best friend and that I love him…I can’t even explain it.”
Married on May 16, 2009, their wedding was the fairy tale she had always wanted. She wore her mother’s veil and they were married in the same church as Bailey’s parents.
Two weeks after they got back from their honeymoon, Josh lost his job as a mechanic.
“It was one of those last hired, first fired thing,” Polson said with a shrug. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the unemployment rate for South Carolina is 11.5 percent.
Polson, a senior biology major, was in a tight spot. Though Josh would be drawing money from the National Guard, they now had an apartment rent, groceries to buy and animals to take care of.
Working as the student director for the Peer Mentor program, she was bringing in a little over $100 every two weeks. Between July and September, they made roughly $500 together. Their apartment rent alone was $480.
“Thank goodness we had money in savings, but no newlyweds want to tap into that money. We were trying to save,” Polson said.
According to the Department of Health and Human Services through the Center of Disease Control and Prevention, 36 percent of couples that get married at the age of 20 get divorced or separated within 15 years.
Though he now has a permanent job in Columbia, their finances are still stretched, for the time being. Only seeing each other on weekends only complicates the situation further.
“Even if he’s just on the computer and I’m on the couch reading a book. I’d rather have that every day. But he loves his job. I would never take that away from him. So I can’t go out on weekends. But I’d rather see my husband who is gone five days a week. What’s a few months compared to a lifetime of being married?”
According to Sarah Colwell of the Colorado Spring Business Journal, 84 percent of couples say that money causes tension in their marriage and 13 percent say they fight about it several times a month.
“I was angry and confused. I thought well why us? I wasn’t sure how we were going to make it. I called my mom crying,” she said.
Tuition at Winthrop University for the fall and spring semesters in state, according to the school’s website, is $5,803 per semester. That doesn’t include books or a meal plan if you live on campus.
Polson ended up getting more financial aid and scholarships due to the fact that they had little to no income.
According to Bethany Jones, who writes for the online database Associated Content, there are certain advantages for getting married in college, even with the stress it can bring.
“…There are special grants and scholarships available for students who are married,” says Jones. Also, having that person to depend on can help you grow and change.
“While it’s true that we, as humans, are constantly changing, it’s also true that a young marriage can last years if the couple enters the relationship with the understanding that they can grow and change together,” she writes.
Dealing with the changes, such as Josh being gone for the majority of the week, is hard for Bailey.
“I go home to my two dogs and cook and take care of the apartment. But it’s hard being there by myself. So I try to stay busy,” she said.
Though times are hard in the economy, divorce rates are slowly falling. According to David Popenoe of the National Marriage Project, “the risk of divorce is far below fifty percent for educated people going into their first marriage.” Popenoe also wrote that people who find a partner with similar values, backgrounds, and lifestyle goes tend to have a more successful marriage.
With the economy in a recession, the average income per family has dropped drastically. According to the U.S. Trustee Program through the U.S. Department of Justice, the median income for a two-person household in South Carolina is $50, 823. The Polsons were nowhere near that.
“My friends call me and ask me to go out or go shopping. I can’t go out. I can’t eat out all the time. I can’t afford it,” Polson said.
Colwell has several tips for young couples to help them stay on track and worry less about money. They need to have a budget and stick to it. Devise a filing system of sort that keeps their taxes, receipt information and joint bank accounts. Also, make sure to keep your goals as individuals and as a couple in mind when you are making monetary decisions.
Sitting the her office, Polson shrugs as though she’s talking about the weather. When her cell phone rings, Bailey’s smile is instantaneous. She quickly holds up and finger and answers with a “hey, honey,” and a goofy grin. They chit chat for a minute before he tells her that he actually came home earlier than he thought, and was taking their dogs for a walk. After a quick “I love you” and “goodbye,” Bailey hangs up the phone.
“I’ve completely lost my train of thought. He came home early today. I wonder if I could leave early. I mean I’m done with my work…” She frowns as she glances at her watch. “I want to be home with him.”
Though it’s been a stress few months for them and they still have a long way to go before they are on stable ground economically, Polson does not hesitate to admit she’s happy. To her, the happily ever still exists.
“Would it have been easier if we had waited to get married? Yes. I’m just being honest; it would have been easier, looking back at it. But Do I regret getting married? Never. It probably just would have been May 16, 1210 as opposed to May 16, 2009. Not marry Josh was not an option.”
